General Humour Topic

Originally posted by JohnnyVOXXI don't know if it has been posted yet, my Dad just sent it to me a few hours ago, and I have to share it with you all:

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering
an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
tell me your answers"

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"?
Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"

"Sure," Forrest replied,

"it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. ?"I learnt it from the song, "ANDY
WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."


this is a little prayer which was included in the mail:
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks.

Originally posted by JohnnyVOXXnice one for all you married fellas:

Steve was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.. She told him 'Tomorrow morning,
I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0
to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'
The next morning Steve got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure
enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the
driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out
to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Steve has been missing since Friday.

Originally posted by JohnnyVOXXnice one for all you married fellas:

Steve was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really angry.. She told him 'Tomorrow morning,
I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0
to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!'
The next morning Steve got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure
enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the
driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out
to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Steve has been missing since Friday.

Originally posted by ElisaI always loved this commercial:


[YouTube Video]