I'm back home. Thank god I am.
The third surgery was set for January 16, then on the night before when I was already in hospital it got delayed to the 17th due to too many other urgent surgeries in line. Happy waiting, psycho terror. However, the surgery itself lasted for about 5 hours as they told me afterwards, it went well under the given circumsancas. They went through the nose again (no worries, no details, you don't wanna know). They could take out about 50% of the tumor, the rest is impossible to ever be taken out. It became clear during the surgery that the tumor has done more damage to boney parts of the skull than expected and they couldn't take out the part that has spread into the main brain sector where the breathing center is set -- I dunno the right english terms for that right now.
But it went as well as possible, the professor has told me. So there. The first thing I did when waking up on intensive care and getting back my senses? Moving arms, fingers and legs (you never know if any damage is done, it's the brain after all), and it all worked perfectly. Next thing: thinking U2 !! Next thing: Schalke 04
my mother who was there with my dad when I did that checking-up said I was smiling like a goofy idiot when I said out loud U2 and Schalke into the beeping sounds of the machines in the room, she said I was so happy it was all still there and not taken from me 
The night on intensive care after the actual surgery was once again a trip to hell and back, those of you who have lived through that know what I mean. The longest hours you can imagine in your life. And I know now how my heart feels when it stops every once in a while. Wow, awful.Anyway, the day after surgery I went to CT and the scans were okay so I returned to regular unit on Friday January 18. I had a tube-kind-of-thing in my spinal on the back which kind of let off some of the liqour, the liquid of inside the brain, to lower the pressure in the hed so the leak behind the nose where they entered the brain would heal and close. That was not cool but it worked so far that the leak healed and it is closed ever since, knocking on wood it will stay closed, still in the weeks of having to look out for that and behave in certain ways so it won't open again (don't sneeze, don't blow your nose at all, don't bend yoiur head down, don't do anything to raise your blod pressure so the brain liqour pressure won't raise as well....things like that... oh and no jumping on a plane to Ireland, remember the pressure, damn).
This lowering of the liqour pressure had the bad effect that I got heavy sounds and irritations in my ears and head, which should have subsided after they pulled out the tube from the back, but they are still there, bothering me. hopefully they will disappear soon. A humming ntoday, a loud sizzeling the other day, a beeping tormenting sound the next day, and voices sound like an old 80s music cassette that runs too slow in the player, totally f***ed up accoustic...... you have no idea how bizare and 70s style U2 sound to my ears these days. Would be funny if it weren't for real, eep.
So I'm released from hospital now. Back home it's always better than in hospital, the permanent threat of yet another thing the docs will do to you is a non-given here in the safety of your own rooms *sigh of relief*. I lie on the couch most of the time, needing rest for my brain which is still healing from the surgery. Getting up for little things like making breakfas or taking a shower come with rushes of sweat and wobbling knees. Cortison is there again among my pills to be taken, so th weight issue is present again, how I love it. Not.
Other results from my blood tests are out of the parameters, so close check-ups are due every few days. being a regular visitor at the local docs' offices. Hooray there. At least I have the chance to show around my numerous Schalke sweaters, how about that, no complains
in the hospital, they even remembered me from the past visits, which in itself is bloody crappy, but then, some of them said "hey you're KF with the U2 tatoos" *yes Sir!*, and some others said "here's the Schalke kid again"...also a smile on that okay, the plans coming up: on March 12th the first MRI after the surgery will be done in the hospital in Duisburg (where the surgery took place), there we can see what the actual status of my messed up brain is. On the same day, a CT will be done, too, and I get appointments for radiation. The tumor will accompany me for the rest if my life- god give me time - but because of its size and position it must not grow again. So a session of 27 radiation units will be done on it to stop it from growing again, hopefully. I never had radiation before, but my mom did a few years ago. It is not cool but certainly not comparable to any chemo therapy, so I take it with hope and the will to keep living, okay
27 shots of radiation, happeing every day, 5 days a week, for 5 1/2 weeks then. I will update on that when the time is there and I know more. Long typing now, drenched in sweat here, but felt like talking to you , my friends. I want you to know, in all seriousness, that through all the days and through all the long endless nights in hospital and now here at home, I felt and still feel you r love and support with me. I never take it for granted to have friends like you who care, and keeep caring. I lost some friends along the way every since the whole story started and I am aware it is no easy thing to keep holding on to a retarded kiddo like me. But there you are, my friends, sending out your love and still being there after all the troubles and the worries, and I so much (!!!!!) lo9ok forward to the very day when U2 are on their next tour, and I will crawl into the pit and meet you guys there where we all belong the most, in the heart of a stadium where U2 will play for us. To meet you there is what keeeps me going, to be able to say thank yoiu in person. And hell yeah, throw a round of pints for everyone on my account. Let''s count on our boys to make this meeting become real. And soon
I really need to go back to my couch. I try to come back online soon. Stay safe, everyone, you're in my thoughts much more than you think
I think you should have got it by now...