and what is worse is my family dont understand and i have not been able to explain it to them to understand, hence this is the first time ive been able to tell someone properly with enough clarification hence why i need release and happiness and why i think about me all the time, searching for air, fresh air
Guess I'm gonna try again. Don't think she thinks I'm actually a sleaze (would be inconsistent with everything else she knows about me, plus my follow up attempt, and the fact that she still has me on Facebook), and all it can do is show I'm actually interested in her. Fuck, this is gonna suck.
My work out buddy said I'm trying to overthink it, to justify not doing it to myself. He agreed with my logic that it sounds like my first attempt just done stupidly as an afterthought threw her off and/or she thought it was some kind of joke, that most likely she forgot about my follow up message, and that if she seriously disliked me, she would have tried to rush me through instead of having a decent conversation, that she actually seemed to take the lead in.
He also says my attitude of not wanting to do it, because I think I'd fuck it up if she gave me a chance is setting myself up for failure.
Can you honestly say it ain't creepy/desperate to try again, given how my initial attempt was botched, and what you know? No B.S. here. Be truthful. If you can honestly say it aint I'll try.
no she will think you do care and are serious if you ask again, ''properly'' you can rest your mind at ease now, i told truth
i woke up from dreaming feel better now and made myself a special drink back to normal again but tired of shit
dreamt a horrible dream, but the ending was positive, dreamt about a friend of mine and how much pain he had gone through and he was in my house chatting to me about it, i was upset and tried to tell him i would not let that happen to him again..then we discussed about myself and my children
best of luck 
i feel your pain too aaron