you need someone to talk to and trust, and you need laughter and love in your life, you need someone who gives a shit about you or else you would not come here and post your daily issues like you have over the years, hoping someone would respond and give a f@#$, well you found some people do care and some dont in fact you have copped crap on here yet you still come back, why? because your missing something? what ? amusement, company and most of the time love in its various forms whether it be a compliment or a listening ear or an agreement that someone sees eye to eye, and thats what your knocking back now, your foolish if not stupid, people go on the net because they dont realize they are needing entertainment and are bored, or lonely or are not busy enough in their daily lives, on rare occasion to keep in contact with their mates
certainly if i were to find a partner i would f!@# the net off and only be on it to say hi to my family and only a handful of friends, because i would have a world out there id rather discover, going to a party beats coming on the net, so does having dinner with the family which is what your considering forfeiting
so f@$% it up if shes christian she will understand, your no angel with destructive powers that have to answer to God for your sins are you ? so she will understand if she cares, so long as you explain yourself and have good communication, even when you get to know her better, tell her your scared of screwing up and your most talented at it but be serious when you tell her that or she may laugh thinking your being funny
your attitude towards relationships is whats going to lead you to a lonely man and will kill you even if you think your happy alone, i study your wrong and not
i have to go now, ive got washing to hang up and i need to go out shopping and perhaps buy myself a latte so have a good sleep if its night time there and i'll chat to you later when im back or tonight or tomorrow, just please stop backing out and dont stop trying
i did many years ago to even tried to top myself out a few times when it was my only way out and almost succeeded but i was found and taken to emergency unfortunately at the time, but when i lost my fiance i realized that it could have hurt many people i loved even though the torture was not worthit everyday just to keep them happy im around, but i realized i have to take care of myself now and am now afraid of death now thinking if my children we're to suffer like i have whom would they have better to talk and support them better than myself whos experienced many things, so i now hold on to dear life because of that, i dont want to see them suffer without me by their side