I was not talking to you, but the board in general, and you where insulting me as well, don't pretend you where not. You insulted my personal philosophy in life, the fact I am an atheist, and my I.Q. Don't go claiming you did not.
There is also the fact that I was in the middle of some kind of legit panic attack/mental break, when I was slinging the worst of the insults. I assure you, that you where hardly the only one to get it at that point. Shit, I called one of my best friends ever a fucking bitch, told her I hope she burns in hell, and that I never wanted to talk to her again.
Due to a combination of past events, and my own personal issues, for about 18 hours starting last Tuesday night, I was about as distraught as I had ever been. At one point I would go so far as to say I was briefly suicidal. Thankfully I calmed down before I did something drastic or stupid. Now, I'm as good as I have been in awhile, because I finally admitted all my issues to myself, and stopped trying to lie to myself, and actually have never felt better.
Aaron, you're an unbelievably unpleasant person. Your problems, and I'm sorry you have them, are neither reason nor excuse for the way you act on this website. Buttons has tried to offer you advice - advice which YOU solicited - and you let fly with the invective. You're beyond hope.
I apologise to everyone for even ENGAGING with this self centred, egocentric whiner in any way, I'm bowing out of this now, and probably the entire site in general.
Originally posted by wtshnnfb01:I can think of thousands of things I hate about myself, and none I like. My shrink says that's a really big part of it.
You should see the amount of shrink the Tesco I work in go through, no wonder most of the managers are hitting high levels of depression. I suppose they feel your pain
Must be nice to go through life with no fucking issues. I realize how fucked up I am. Finding out the girl you have been crazy about for years, seems to be at least somewhat interested, should not warrant the result, of calling your best friend, who was trying to gauge the girls interest a fucking bitch, and telling them to go to hell, and that you never want to talk to them again, then ending up curled up in the fetal position on my bed, trying not to throw up, hyperventilating, telling myself, she should not be interested, she should be trying to get a restraining order.
Bottom line is I realize just how fucked up I am. I have been trying to get help, why else would I see a shrink of my own free will? I'm pretty stubborn, and set in my ways though. I do not like following advice. I know I should take the advice people give me. Why ask, if I ain't gonna take it? I've been screwed over by advice though, to the point, where my first instinct is that I am being lied to, and that they're trying to set me up. That's where I am.
Also I find the implication I am self centered hilarious. Anyone who actually knows me, would tell you, I actually spend more time worrying about other people, than I do about myself.
I let myself get to this point. I should have got help before now, but I chose not to. I've been pretty much in a downward spiral a little under a year.
No matter how hard I try, I end up overthinking everything. I let things that happened to me months, if not years ago, influence my current life to a heavy degree, even when the situations are nothing alike, and I let my worst qualities define how I see myself.
You cant realize just how hard it is to get professional help, until you have done it.
You can call me an asshole if you want. You can accuse me of ignoring advice I know I should take. I will not argue with either. Never say I do not have legit issues though. Hell, in about 20 pages, I managed to document the slippage of my own mental state, going from moderately insecure, to straight up distraught, due to my inability to let past events go, and my inability to see any good qualities in myself.
Got a call a few hours ago from my godmother.
My godfather has just passed away due to his suffering from Parkinson. He was in a bad state lately and spent the last week in hospital in agony as the doctors wouldnt accept his personal written decision to be let go when his end came. Damn German laws. His wife, my godmother, faught for him to be let go in peace, in the end she took him home. With the beautiful place only he could see then, a broad smile spread over his face and then he left for good.
Burial to be next week. He became 71.
He -obvviously - accompanied me all my life. He was relieved now but he will be so dearly missed. RIP
I dont like this year so far.
