U2start.com | General Humour Topic

1) People keep telling me not to drink and drive. How the hell else am I supposed to play golf?

2)A three legged dog walks into an old western town and says "I'm lookin' fer the fella that shot mah paw...

3)The hunting board is worried about the illegal hunting of birds. Apparently, there has been a lot of fowl play recently.

4)A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken

patou2

13 years

Originally posted by alexandra_t:An aircraft is about to crash...

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if Idied". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.
And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So, he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."

hahaha very funny !!!

Mr_Trek

13 years

Originally posted by alexandra_tAn aircraft is about to crash...

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if Idied". So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says "I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.
And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die". So, he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag..."

Here in Sweden we tell that story with a Norwegian being the stupid one.

Mr_Trek

13 years

_O_

RIP

alexandra_t

13 years

One day a professor could not stay for his afternoon classes, so he put a notice on the door, which read as follows: “Professor Evans

will not be able to meet his classes this afternoon”.
Then he went to put on his coat and on his way out saw that some student had rubbed off the letter “c” in the word “classes” on the notice. The professor smiled and rubbed off the letter “l” in the word “lasses”.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

jofice

13 years

Cried laughing.

alexandra_t

13 years

Originally posted by jofice:[YouTube Video]

Cried laughing.

ha aha ha

jofice

13 years

Hahaha

LikeASong

13 years

I just saw this on a friend's profile, I couldn't help cracking up

If you listen a Justin Bieber's album backwards you can hear hidden satanic messages... But even worse, if you listen to it forward, you can hear Justin Bieber!

patou2

13 years

haha

i see this the other day and first think : funny ....then ...really not funny